How to Heal: From Soul Injury Pt. 3—The cost of our pain

So much is coming at us that it makes it difficult to fully understand what we are experiencing at a point of injury. I’ve had to come up with a simple process to help me understand. I know better than to bury it, but who has the time?! This world, with such a high rate of wounding makes it difficult for us to repair and restore. But, that’s what they want, isn’t it?

I’ve come to understand that a hidden cost of our pain (not the only one), is that we can become people we are not or don’t want to be.

We must protect our identity. We must protect our values. This is not to say that we can’t ever change or evolve, but growth that comes from fear, exhaustion, or desperation tends to not yield our most authentic selves. 

From a place of love and care, I’ve had family members tell me that being so informed is not good for me and I should take a break. I do take breaks. I’ve had friends tell me that perhaps I just care ‘too’ much. I do care. I care a lot. I don’t go looking for trouble, but trouble is everywhere, so where can I look?

I’ve made it clear to myself that the problem is not that I care too much. Or that I have too much empathy or compassion. The problem is that these ^%^&%&*^%^* in the world, don’t. THAT is the problem.

Go fix that and stop telling me to stop caring. That is not a solution and it will never happen. I will not allow myself to lose that much of my soul to no longer care. I will not look away.

Of course I will take breaks. I will nourish myself. I will seek out joy. That’s still me. I prioritize my health so the impact of everything doesn't fully take me out.

During the BLM protests in 2020 I remember watching an interview of someone protesting. I will never forget her words: “They are lucky all we want is equality and not revenge.” It wasn't the first time I had heard it, but it was the first time within that period of time and in that context. The amount of grace people possess sometimes astounds me. I have so much respect for that. I wish I could be that gracious under these circumstances.

The crazy thing is I’m not a vengeful person. People have screwed me over my entire life and for some reason I just let it go. I don’t keeping messing with them, but I do distance myself and let it go.

When it comes to matters of justice and the protection of our most vulnerable communities, I can’t just let it go. I am clear that this country would rather burn itself down than create a safe society where everyone can have access to the most basic of needs and dare I say, thrive, not just survive.

These days, I want more than just equality.

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