See which, if any, of these resonate with you:

Perfectionism is ________.

• a trauma response

• a stress response

• a fear response

• how I prove I am (good) enough

• how I prove I am worthy

• how I self-sabotage

• how I punish myself

• how I motivate myself

• how I become ‘the best’

• how I ensure I do not settle

• how I get praise/validation from others

• how I prove others wrong about me and my abilities

Look at the list again. Check to see if there are any others at play for you, but it felt too uncomfortable for you to admit it to yourself at first glance. Add to the list if needed. 

Now, give yourself a few moments. Look at it for a third time with the intention of confronting any uncomfortable truths. Add to the list if needed.

Where did you land? You can’t heal from perfectionism if you don’t understand what needs it is fulfilling in the first place. Hell, you may not even want to heal from perfectionism. You do you.

Caution: If perfectionism serves as a source of motivation, eliminating perfectionism all at once could be dangerous. Pace yourself and follow the entire series for additional support.

Healing tends to happen in stages. Be sure to fully understand your perfectionism before getting rid of it. Chances are, it serves you in some ways, but if you are reading this blog, you have likely noticed the juice is no longer worth the squeeze. What felt like a meaningful approach is now costing you your self-esteem, confidence, relationships, time, money, etc. 

Here is a good place to start: Who/or what taught you to strive for perfection?

Don’t blame; just recognize. You are an adult now, so you can decide to unlearn your perfectionism, but first, understand its origin story. 

 Check out the next post in the perfectionism series.

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